When Your Peers Big You Up #AnUnexpectedRenunion

The other day, I attended a birthday party at my friend’s place. Somewhere between her moving to New York, and my leaving New York, she and I lost touch after Undergrad. She was one of my very first friends at Howard University, and now she’s back, striving for her third degree in at Howard Law. Since departing The Yard, I never really had that quintessential “reunion” moment, and quite frankly, I was not particularly looking forward to it, especially on a random January night. I was informed that the guest list was long, and that was an aspect of the evening I had to mentally prep for.

I prepared for the evening with my ladies, and naturally, we were dressed to the ten’s because we like to look nice for each other, and I was getting more tired by the hour. Parties that start after 7:00 P.M. aren’t necessarily my soup de jor these days. But, we pressed on, none the less. I have my reclusive tendencies, believe me, and it gets serious. Remember the hibernation season I mentioned in a previous entry? Well, I flip a hard switch between not wanting to be seen, and wanting to be amongst the people. That was an evening where after I was amongst the people for Winter Restaurant Week, I was ready to bury myself in my couch with Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Let me tell you… My friend did her thangy thang with the party, but I was most moved by the type of reunion I had with my peers. Since I left social, naturally, I missed a few beats with people, so I thought, at least, and I tend to get pretty hard on myself about that. I am typically like that aunty who knows so much about your life, and you have no idea why or how. (You just assume she gets it from your mother’s Facebook. Lol) I walked in the room, and I was greeted heavily. My first instinct was to find the birthday girl, and make myself to a seat in the corner. (I am telling you, my reclusive tendencies are REAL.) However, that was not God’s plan for me. Although, I tried to keep it moving as to avoid conversation, people really tried to talk. Not only was I shocked, I almost didn’t even know what to talk about/ I had no idea what to talk about/ I pulled conversation starters out of my behind.

Anyway, not too much time had passed when I finally found my seat in the corner, and while waiting for my namesake to sit down, one of my former classmates popped a squat next to me. Unfazed, because it was an open chair, I continued eating my finger foods. The first words that came out of his mouth, “May I just say, you’re an icon.” UM, WHAT? Let me tell you, I was seating, red, and shocked, all at the same time because I didn’t know where this conversation was about to go. Much to my chagrin, it continued in an upheaval of flattery. He reminisced on the experiences he has following my career, and how I changed his mindset back then, and even the few words I spoke that evening shifted his paradigm to the point I even received a “thank you” text the next day.

Another brother I was close to back then, came up to my friend and I and expressed to her that she doesn’t even know who she’s sitting next to, that I’m the hardest working woman from Onitsha, and that I will be Nigeria’s first female president, just watch. He continued to frequent our section throughout the night to lament persistent reminders of the character I displayed then, and the woman I am now, and the type of eyes that will follow as I continue my pursuit. Finally, on my way out, another gentleman, a few classes behind me expressed that I was always a role model to not just his circle, but those around me.

Words cannot express how much their words meant to me. During a time, that I wasn’t feeling to hot, doubting myself in different areas of my life, and not living my life out loud… they reminded me who the HELL I AM. I’M A HOT CAKE! (Thank you, Ogechi, for putting me on!) Honestly. Amanda Seales mentioned in her podcast, and wrote in her book the importance of having friends who “BIG YOU UP.” No, we don’t mean hype men. She was referring to people who remind you of who the hell you are, and speak life into your inner workings and efforts. I remember she talked about being “black famous” in both of those avenues, and her revelation of being black famous happened right here, in Washington, D.C. By no means am I on the level of Amanda Seales, but by every means, and all intensive purposes, sometimes as a creative (and you will rarely ever hear me refer to myself as that) it’s easy to thing that our work and our efforts go unnoticed. For me, a lot of my work goes into the advancement of others.

That day, I was scheduled to teach a class at my church, have bible study, and so forth, and the entire day was canceled because of the loose prediction of snow. I had a little weird back and forth with a friend of mine, that I couldn’t quite comprehend, and I was in my thoughts, and in my feelings. I didn’t feel like the hot cake that those around me saw me as. I was missing that ambitious motivation in my life, and it took me until that very day to realize it. To be lauded amongst my peers was invaluable. It was everything I needed in that moment. People came up to us left and right paying me compliments, and it was if God ordered it himself help push me along my path.

From that evening, I gained a renewed sense of motivation. This is the path I created for myself- from the decisions I made, from the choices I chose. If I want to wear a starry crown, I have to push to continue to be the version of myself that others see. Not for anyone else, though. For myself.

The way each of them described me, whilst all vastly unique, reminded me of how I once hoped to view myself. After you spend so much time dreaming and thinking about it, you don’t even realize when it comes sometimes. You blink, and you don’t even know your moment happened. Well, this is happening. I’m Uju, damnit.