Boundaries are Biblical & Necessary for Your Happiness #ClosetheConcessions
We must understand that boundaries are Biblical.
Do you know what concessions are? (No, not the food stands. lol)
I recently celebrated a birthday, and with each year, comes more purposeful wisdom, as a priority of mine. Other objectives in my life had been going well, but there were/are a few recent occurrences that rubbed me the wrong way. Living in the D.M.V, there’s a lot you try to sweep under the rug for the sake of coexisting. At this point, we have reached the culmination of all of these years of practice. We are well beyond the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Managing behavior that is insufferable and intolerant came at a disservice to self.
I was making concessions.
Concessions are those excuses (that Black women know all too well) that present a caveat for someone’s behavior. It becomes toxic when those concessions that you make publicly, or privately, are now used as a scapegoat to the receiving party. Even in times of joy, and expectation, this particular person or people, still present reason for concessions to justify and rationalize the scope of their behavior.
This is where boundaries come into play.
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
As Pastor Michael Todd (Relationship Goals, 2020) reminds us:
Boundaries are one of the things that God uses to heLp us reach purpose. It preserves who He has made us to be, at our core… Having boundaries is a way of saying, “I’m [going to] set my eyes and my heart on the things that please God.”
How any of us can truly say we’re hammering down our own boundaries?
If this is your calling, we are taking right now to write it down on the tablets of our hearts, pull out pen and paper, because it’s time to get serious.
We must be F I R M in our boundaries, otherwise, we mentally and emotionally allow ourselves to make concessions to appease toxicity. And in turn, we move further and further away from who God created us to be, and His great plans for our purpose.
You see, I didn’t realize, to what extent, I had normalized the practice of concessions. One day, I caught myself, and I asked aloud, “Why am I doing this?”
Why have I become so accustomed to casual banter evolving around concessions, and even forming cults in my head prior, as a safeguard for the disappointment to come.
It was at that time that I told myself: I don’t have to.
In that moment, I realized via my concessions, I was:
Relinquishing my God-given power
Allowing others to impede on my boundaries that had been established long before
Providing space, time, efforts, and mental capacity to those who don’t deserve it — and do not reciprocate sacrifice
Excusing bad behavior + normalizing toxicity
Doing a disservice to my core
With each concession, I was a different person.
I won’t lie, being in Jersey for three months, gave me the gentle reminder of who I am: Who I am in Christ, and who God called me to be. Somewhere along the way, I allowed myself to deem this behavior as acceptable.
Sometimes a plant needs a change of soil to continue to grow.
Stay well, my friends, and set. those. boundaries.